insanitor's personal blog

What is truth?

2011-12-05T22:42:00.000-08:00

Recently, I was confronted with an apparent character flaw I appear to have:

I tell the truth.

It seems odd that this can be classified as a character flaw but let me explain.

When you contradict people who have an ego as big as Texas, they hate it... Especially if you throw the truth at them.

I was told recently that, "It doesn't matter if what I say is right or wrong."

WHAT?!

So, in other words they are really saying, "never contradict what I say".

People with big egos in my opinion, are about as smart as goats. Sometimes they can be truly awesome, but they are still goats.

If you can recognize when you are wrong, and learn from the experience, you become wiser. There is no shame in learning a lesson.

It should take as much strength to admit when you are wrong as it takes to admit when you are right.

The lesson here is that even if people are leading themselves and others to destruction, you have no right to warn them even if you can... Simply because you're truthful and have the best of intentions, you have no right to give criticism to those who seem to have no problem doing to same to you.

No wonder why the bible says that humility is the way to go.

I can be wrong, I've got no problem with that but it seems that I can't be right.

I think I need a new crowd to hang with during the holidays.

A new kind of personality I learned about.

2010-04-07T10:30:00.001-07:00

I have just got off the phone with someone I knew for a couple of years. He was supposed to be my friend but he really wasn't.

He only wanted me to be molded into his own image. To make me like him. Not accepting me as I am and instead having me as his pet project.

I recently came across a wikipedia entry on General Douglas Macarthur.

This great man was criticized on his wikipedia entry and I do not know if this criticism was true, but what I do know is that this person I knew fits this description mostly. I will always admire General Douglas Macarthur for his accomplishments, but if this was true about him, then I certainly wouldn't want to deal with him.

"A British liaison officer at MacArthur's headquarters, Lt Col Gerald Wilkinson, described him in 1943:

He is shrewd, selfish, proud, remote, highly strung and vastly vain. He has imagination, self-confidence, physical courage and charm, but no humour
about himself, no regard for truth, and is unaware of these defects. He mistakes his emotions and ambitions for principles"

This has given me a great insight into the man I knew. Before I read this, I would not have imagined that such a person could actually exist.

I mean, who in their right mind would take ambition and turn it into a principle?

The answer is, nobody in their right mind would. So, I just learned about a new personality.

There are sometimes very hard decisions to be made in this life, and in my life, but I have faith that this is for the best. I have faith that even though things may be hard, everything will turn out well.

"What causes mental illness: (a short explanation)" By Carlos E. Fernandez

2010-03-03T14:26:00.000-08:00

In order to explain the origins of mental illness, we must therefore theorize the existence of a another dimension which is the focal point of all mental processes. The immobilization of certain frequencies of the brain and additions of new ones are a natural result of biological processes, when stimulated by external or internal stimuli act as a conduit to this alternate dimension for which all intents and purposes here, we will call the anti-reality dimension. The absence of actual matter and consequences for one's actions, or others actions for the most part, constitute this external or internal reality which is subject to the elements carried forth within it. The biological process is then carried out with a specific purpose in the mind of the processor or observer, when triggered by the emergence of this reality causes a mental instability and merging of the two realities.

We must therefore now explain the process itself and why this instability occurs. The anti-reality dimension can be compared with the elements of a dream where actual reality is not something which can be adhered to, but only imagined within the mind of the imaginer, or observer. Facts, ideas, emotions, wills, objects, all things within this reality are imagined and therefore are inert except to the one who brings in such elements, objects, emotions, etc., The "consequences" of the interactions of these things when combined, are not consequential, but relative to the mind of which the elements were brought forth from. Therefore, the random mix of all internal or external stimuli is brought within the said anti-reality dimension and with little intervention, brings forth an outcome which is indifferent to the elements themselves from which a said outcome can be obtained. The aforementioned stimuli are only random objects or ideas which simply make up the reality of the imaginer or observer.

The convergence of both realities which when understood, can be the forefather of mental
instability. The inability of the observer to interpret the anti-real elements causes a lapse of mental process, which is usually and partially the result of a lack of certain brain waves of the observer. Consequentially, observation becomes relative and the absence of all truth and reality begins. The inability of actuality is immanent within any observer of this anti-real state. We can conclude then that anti-reality, combined with reality, cancel each other out forming an inert state of being.

Ghosts, hallucinations, ESP, dreams, the netherworld or nether gloom, hell, are all manifestations of the anti-real universe, which paradoxically coexists with reality and must be kept separate, if any mental stability is to be achieved or kept stable.

A random lapse of the correct brain waves is not the only thing necessary to cause mental instability. There is a great deal of concern when dealing with this sort of manifestation, and a lack of a positive identifying factor is the primary cause of ignorance of the anti-time reality and this facilitates the wrong relative view of the anti-real environment. There is a lack of training or information which can correctly discern the difference between the real and the anti-real. The DNA of the observer is one factor which determines not the susceptibility to mental illness but a sensitivity to an incorrect interpretation of the difference of both aforementioned realities.

My father

2010-01-27T09:18:00.001-08:00

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Today, I remember my father. He has been dead for
almost 22 years. Even though it has been this long,
it seems that only yesterday, I was talking on
the phone with him, telling him how much I love him.
I saw him on that hospital bed, unable to speak.
And I knew that he was going to die, but I could
not tell him. I had to be strong enough not to cry
in front of him.

Now, all that is left of him in this world is me
and my uncle, but my uncle will not speak to me.
That leaves me alone.

I saw him in that casket, and since that time, I
will never forget the sight of death, nor will I
ever forget seeing his dead body, nor will I ever
forget the man he was.

I will not see him again until the day I die, but
I have a lot of work to do until then.
I still miss him, and I will always love him.
My only regret, is that he never knew the kind of
man his son grew up to be.

I don't know

2010-01-18T09:23:00.001-08:00

I don't know where I am. I don't know where I am going. I don't know who I am. I don't know who I will become. I don't know what I am. I don't know what I will be. I don't know when I will know or how I will know. I don't even know what I know. So if you take the puzzle that is me and put it all together, you might discover that I am nothing at all.

I'll probably never see you again.

2010-01-18T08:25:00.000-08:00

I have not spoken to you for a long time now. The reason for this is quite clear. I did hurt you badly but that was not my intention. Usually those who hurt us the most are those who we love the most. I was really messed up back then. I had no idea that what I said had such an impact on you. I do not even remember saying it. There were things I wanted to tell you back then but I could not express my feelings. I could not tell you why I shut down my heart and had stopped talking to you. The reason why I shut down is because I can't express feelings of love when there are bad feelings in the way. Now, this is all in the past. I don't blame you for wanting to go away. What I want you to know the most is that I sincerely hope that whoever took my place in your life is giving you what I could not. I will always love you even though you're gone forever. As I look back and think about the past, I don't remember the fights, the pain and the negativity. All I remember is the love. No bad feelings, just good memories. I have changed for the better, but it's too late. I sincerely wish you well. Good bye.

What I need.

2009-12-13T13:06:00.000-08:00

Tell me not,
what I am good at.

Tell me not,
what I could be.

Tell me not,
what I can do.

Do you believe me?

Tell me not,
what I am not good at.

Tell me not,
what I can't be.

Tell me not,
what I can't do.

Do I believe you?

I don't need your praise,
I don't need your condemnation,
I don't need your lectures,
I don't need your reproach.
I don't need your compliments,
I don't need your admiration.

When will you understand that
you must change your approach?

I have heard it all before,
tell me what I have not heard.

Give me a reason,
to believe your word.

I know who I am,
your words cannot change or hurt me.

Your compassion is what I need,
If you truly know me.

If you need to know what to tell me,
tell me you understand what I am going through.

Your understanding and your compassion,
is what I would like from you.

Respect is earned,
not given away.

If we have faith in each other,
you would know what to say.

What I am speaks for itself,
talk to those who know me.

What I can do,
talk to those who have seen me.

If you have faith in me,
then I will have faith in you.

When you judge me,
you judge yourself too.

Times like these

2009-12-03T11:33:00.000-08:00

November 14, 1993

Tims like these,
I think,
we need to ask God for mercy.

Oh God,
oh lord,
have mercy on us,
for we betray you always,
and we are paying the price.

Times like these,
I feel that,
death and destruction,
wars of evil,
and mass hysteria,
is what comes next in our world.

Oh lord,
oh God,
I feel at times like these,
we don't deserve your love,
for we are sinful and proud.

I see the mighty hand,
that holds the sword,
it strikes the heads of our brothers.

And a mighty finger that pulls the trigger,
the same finger that pushes the button,
that kills us all.

They belong to us,
and only us,
for only we choose the way.

It's all but death,
and more death,
around us
for we are at the mercy of the lord,
at times like these...

The purpose of this new blog.

2009-12-03T05:26:00.000-08:00

Hi, Guys. Greetings! This is insanitor again and I have decided to create a new personal blog in which I will write about anything that does not have to do with my work with computers. It will contain information on a variety of other subjects as well as things that are happening in my life. Depending on the subjects I write about, the most important thing I would like everyone to know first is that I am not here to tell you how I think you should live your life. I will simply from time to time relay a message from someone else who does, and why I choose to live my life according to the directives of another source. We all have free will in this world, and those who read this blog have the obvious choice of agreeing or disagreeing with me or any message I choose to deliver to you from any other source. It is not my intention to write anything distasteful, so if you have a bad reaction to what I say then please, I implore you to close the window. I would feel terrible if I offend anyone with any piece of information I put here. I care about other people's feelings, so what I can tell you now is that I will be sincere to the extent that the things I have learned have enriched my life and these views work for me, and perhaps for you as well, if you have an ear to listen, a choice to agree and a heart to embrace the message. I only have the desire to help. I have no other motivation other than to help ohers just as others have helped me.

In this new blog, I will give my opinions concerning subjects that are widely regarded as those which should not be mentioned. However, the introduction of subjects such as these are not only necessary, but essential. Without the introduction of such subjects, one can conclude that such thoughts cannot evolve enough to stand on their own and that they are so weak or irrelevant, that they cannot withstand a discussion. We then must ask the question, "Is discussion of certain ideas a prerequisite for such ideas to be valid?" We can say then that the answer is, "possibly". But we can infer from this question, that if the ideas themselves are thought provoking, then that alone is enough to justify the requirement of their discussion.

Discussion of things like this are a crucible in which they undergo a process whereby inconsistencies are removed and we are then presented with pure ideas which are logical and possibly rational. It is the mentioning of these subjects that gives us all an identity which is brought forth by the determination of what we believe as opposed to what we cannot understand or tolerate. Such an identity may not be desirable, but that does not negate the fact that it is nevertheless true.

It is my wish that when we talk about this, it will bring out into the open what needs to be said. The truth must be shaken loose so that the most important things in life are not ignored or neglected.